7 Things Sunday.. Are you your mother… 10.26.2025

Hey good people, happy Sunday.

A couple of weeks ago at BookClub, we had one of those conversations that lingers, the kind that makes you sit quietly in your car afterward, staring at the steering wheel, thinking about life. We talked about the plight of womanhood: the expectations, the pressures, the roles we feel obligated to play. And in the middle of all that came one question that has been sitting with me ever since:

Are you your mother?

It’s heavier than it sounds. But it’s also a question worth asking and answering honestly.

Here are 7 things that have been on my heart about it:

1. There’s a Lot We Haven’t Processed
2.  I checked in with the Book Club girls a few days later, most of us realized we were carrying unspoken things  wounds, expectations, disappointments from our mothers that we’ve never truly processed. We’ve tucked them away so much that we don’t even notice how deeply they shape the way we think, react, and mother ourselves.

2. “Being Our Mothers” Can Feel Like a Bad Thing

For a lot of women, the idea of “turning into our mothers” feels negative. Maybe it’s because of the weight of their expectations  how they wanted us to behave, achieve, or present ourselves for the sake of appearances. Maybe it’s because of the way they loved us or the ways they didn’t. But it’s worth asking: have we actually healed, or are we just evolving into a 2025 version of the same patterns we swore we’d break?

3. Aware ?

I’ll be the first to admit, I don’t always catch myself. But when I do, when I behave in a way that is so clearly her  I stop. Unfortunately, it’s not always there. There are probably more moments than I realize when I’m acting like her and don’t even see it.

4. Define their Role
In a recent therapy session, my therapist asked me something that stopped me cold: What role do you want your mother to play in your life? I had no answer. I’d never thought about it. The truth is, for many of us, the parent child relationship doesn’t naturally evolve into friendship. And that’s okay. But if they’re still present, we owe it to ourselves to define what role they do or don’t get to play.
5. Separate, what we gotta do!

 

Sometimes clarity about roles is exactly what shows us it’s time for distance. Realizing that a parent  or anyone can still cross boundaries we never thought they would is a sobering wake up call. It’s also an opportunity to choose peace over proximity, if that’s what’s necessary.

 

 

 

6. Ask Yourself the Hard Question

 

It’s uncomfortable, but it’s necessary: Are we becoming the people we once disliked? Are we repeating the patterns we promised to unlearn? Are we mothering, loving, or communicating in ways that mirror what once hurt us? The answer may not always be “yes”  but if it is, that awareness gives us the power to change it.

7. Redefine the Future

This isn’t about blame it’s about growth. The truth is, we can honor the parts of our mothers that shaped us and reject the parts that wounded us. We can decide what cycles end with us. We can choose new language, new love, new ways of showing up. And in doing so, we don’t just redefine our own story we rewrite the story for our daughters, too.
This week, I hope you’ll sit with those two questions: Are you your mother? And what role, if any, do you want her to have in your life today? The answers might sting, but they might also set you free.

 

As always you can find me on YouTube @TrappedintheSouth or on Instagram @TrappedintheSouthLA.

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-A