Intentionality...5.24.26

Hey good people, how’s it going?

Happy Sunday.

I hope everybody is doing well and easing into summer.

I had a conversation with one of my closest friends the other day. The kind of friend that is more sibling than friend. We were talking about children. I was sharing with her about a family I met recently and how I feel for the kids involved. I do not know the parents personally, and I know that people raise their children differently. My friend said Alisa, "just because people have children does not mean they actually want to rear children.”

And I get that, but you have children, the role of parenting, stewarting ang gudiance begins. Because  A+B= C, and the C in this equation is children, then why are we continuing to create children that we are not going to be  emotionally, mentally, physically, or spiritually involved with.

Not just feed.
Not just clothe.
Not just survive with.

But truly rear. Love. Protect. Guide. Develop.

And my friend reminded me that some people simply do not think about parenting that way.

But I do.

And maybe that is both my blessing and my burden.

That conversation sent me spiraling thinking about my own childhood. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized I did not have the best childhood, but I also did not have the worst. 

There were things my family got really, really right.

Things I do not even think they realized they were doing correctly at the time.

Today at church, Pastor Ta said “Television tells a vision.”

Immediately I saw myself in front of the TV. I have always joked that MTV raised me. I had a television in my room very young. My siblings were much older than me, so me and the TV became best friends. And although MTV stood for Music Television, we all remember what shows they had.

Spring Break.
The Real World

TRL
Undressed.
Music videos.

I was watching lives that looked absolutely nothing like my surroundings.

And somehow, while my environment was saying one thing, television was showing me another. It was quietly giving me a vision for what life could look like outside of what I physically saw every day.

Now listen, let me be clear. Some of the things I watched, I absolutely had no business watching at that age. Some of the values I picked up were unhealthy. Some ideas about life, relationships, beauty, and success probably needed to be readjusted

But still.

It expanded my vision.

It made me believe there was more outside of what surrounded me.

And maybe, in a strange way, it kept me safe.

While other people were outside experiencing environments that could have shaped them negatively, I was inside imagining something different for myself. Television became possibility for me. It became imagination. It became my unknowing escape.

I think that has shaped the way I parent now.

I put a tremendous amount of pressure on myself to be a “good mother.” Probably too much pressure if we are being honest. But I also know that I want my daughters to have attainable examples of love, safety, and emotional connection.

I want them to know they can call me.

And because that matters to me, I spend a lot of time learning. Listening. Reflecting. Reading. Watching. Adjusting. Growing.

Sometimes I think the mental load of motherhood is too heavy because it lives inside our minds.

The constant calculations.
The emotional temperature checks.
The planning.
The protecting.
The envisioning.

And honestly, one of the hardest parts of adulthood and partnership is realizing that even when two people love each other, they may not naturally share the same vision.

I know people love to say, “Well if y’all are together, shouldn’t y’all already want the same things?”

Truthfully?
Not always.

Especially after years together.
Especially after hardships.
Especially after children.
Especially after life starts pulling people in different directions.

I have a vision for our home.
For our family.
For how I want us to function emotionally, spiritually, and relationally.

And sometimes my husband does not naturally see what I see.

It just means my mind carries a different type of emotional labor than his does.

And figuring out how to communicate vision without carrying the entire burden alone is hard.

I want to live it consistently.

And I think so many mothers are carrying that same weight right now. There is always something running through our minds. Something we are hoping for. Praying for. Planning for. 

I pray we stop comparing ourselves to impossible standards and unattainable versions of motherhood.

And most importantly, I pray we partner with our partners so that we are not carrying entire households emotionally by ourselves.

Happy summer, mamas.

I hope you find the rest you deserve while continuing to build the life you desire for yourself and your family.

Thats it, thats that message for today!

As always you can find me on YouTube @TrappedintheSouth or on Instagram @TrappedintheSouth LA.

Don’t be shy, let’s be social

-A